Grin and B.E.A.R. It

I HAVE TO BELIEVE

2009-04-27T20:05:00.004-04:00

The following are words from a song that express my innermost feelings on life and on anything that happens to come my way. God is in control and I am happy with that. The lyrics are from a wonderful praise and worship artist named Rita Springer. If you have never listened to her, I would highly recommend checking out her music. Just do a search and you will find samples everywhere on the net.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE

I have to believe that He sees my darkness. I have to believe that He knows my pain. I have to lift up my hands to worship, Worship His name.

I have to declare that He is my refuge. I have to deny that I am alone. I have to lift up my eyes to the mountains. It is where my help comes from.

He said that He's forever faithful. He said that He's forever true. He said that He can move mountains; And if He can move mountains, He can move my mountain. He can move your mountain too.

I have to stand tall when the wind blows me over. I have to stand strong when I'm weak and afraid. I have to grab hold, hold of the garments; Garments of praise.

I have to sing praise when the hour is midnight. He unlocks the chains that bind up my soul. My sin and my shame, He has forgiven and made me whole.

I HAVE TO BELIEVE.

SHINGLES?!!! You Mean Like ROOF Shingles Right?

2009-04-04T10:10:00.008-04:00

Before, I only thought of shingles as something on the top of roof. Now, I have to take yet another look at the word and add the new definition to my growing vocabulary. Why would they name it shingles? Oh my. People get scared of you when you say you have Shingles and they don't even know what it means. I was scared of me until I researched it somewhat.

Who gets Shingles? Not me. I thought. Well, come to find out I am a perfect candidate for the illness. First off, you have to have had chicken pox before. I had them in my 20's. I caught them while babysitting my wonderful, lovely and little at the time, niece Heather. I told everyone I had never had the chickenpox before and they all said...sure you have or you won't catch it! I think they really needed a babysitter...LOL. It's okay sis, I love you still and always. Anyway, after having the chickenpox, the virus lies inactive or dormant in your nerves. Years later, the virus may be reactivated. Well, come to find out, a low immune system can cause the virus to be reactivated. I .... being on chemo....have a lowered immunity. Therefore, my little virus has raised it's ugly head again after 20 years.

Here is part of the definition of shingles that I picked up from the Mayo Clinic. I don't want you to be scared of me, I want you to be aware of me.

Shingles is a viral infection that causes a painful rash. Also known as herpes zoster, it often appears as a band of blisters that wraps from the middle of your back around one side of your chest to your breastbone. Other parts of your body can be involved as well, including your neck, face or scalp.

The pain of shingles can be excruciating, and the cause might not be immediately evident. But once the telltale rash and blisters start on one side of your body, it's more easily identified as shingles.

Shingles isn't a life-threatening condition, but it can be very painful. Sometimes, the rash leads to a debilitating complication called postherpetic neuralgia. This condition causes the skin to remain painful and sensitive to touch for months or even years after the rash clears up.

Improving After Treatment

2009-03-30T21:36:00.004-04:00

Well, I am improving finally. I am still walking funny due to the blisters on my feet and my hands still have blisters as well as my mouth and throat. I am slowly gaining more energy and am about ready to take on some more tasks. I miss writing on my blog and I sure don't see facebook very much at all. Just wanted to post this for the family and friends who are patiently waiting for my next blog.

The Lord has been waking me up every morning at about 4:30 a.m. I told my hubby he misses me and just wants to talk. Sometimes I pray as I feel led. Sometimes I say, "Hello there" and just lay back down and sleep more. Sometimes I just smile and I am encouraged to know He is just there. I love Him.

How am I Feeling?

2009-03-27T12:51:00.003-04:00

Very quickly and pretty briefly, I am not feeling too well for the time being. I had Toxatere and Zometa on Tuesday and that was pretty easy. On Wednesday I went back for the Neulasta shot for my white blood counts and also for another round of chemo called Avastin.

Today I have blisters on the bottoms of my feet and on my hands. My mouth is numb as are my fingers. I am extremely fatiqued and very grumpy. I have bone pain and nausea.

Not too funny today.....maybe tomorrow. :-(

LOVE YOU ALL!

SIDE EFFECTS OF CHEMO

2009-03-20T16:59:00.005-04:00

Well, about a week ago I said I was going to talk about the side effects I have been having since the chemotherapy infusion. So, here it goes.

I think I remember seeing a list of about 25 different possible side effects and I have experienced about 23 out of the 25. Needless to say, as the time approaches for me to return to the Chemo chair for another infusion I am certainly beginning to feel like the stereotype of the ol' donkey sitting on his hind end with his feet outstretched as if to say, "I am not going anywhere". We all know that I have to go. I don't have to look forward to it, but there is certainly no other alternative at this time. God will get me there and home again when it is time, that I am sure of.

Now, about that long list. Day one, right after chemo; we stopped at Wal-Mart to pick up some things for dinner and my meds for coping with any side-effects. Joe and I went in, he went to the left to get food and I went to the right to get meds. I noticed right away that they had replaced my steadfast, sturdy legs with rubbery, jellyfish legs. It felt like they were going to leave me right there in the store. How dare they abandon me! Okay, so SIDE EFFECT #1: RUBBERY LEGS OR WEAKNESS IN LEGS. SIDE EFFECT #2: INSOMNIA. I only managed to sleep about 6 hours between Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday morning. I was so tired and crabby it was crazy! I didn't expect that but it happened. Then I crashed Friday afternoon and night. SIDE EFFECT #3: IRRITABILITY. That is probably due to insomnia and having to stay in the bed and just lay down for days. SIDE EFFECT #4: NAUSEA & VOMITTING. Again, I did not expect this one because it did not hit me until Saturday morning. We had a Bible Study at our house that morning and it came on suddenly during the study. I excused myself to the bathroom and felt MUCH better after I returned to the table. Hahaha. SIDE EFFECT #5: HEADACHES. Major head pain here. Not looking forward to that again. SIDE EFFECT #6: SORE FEET. My feet have gotten very tender since treatment. It is like the bottoms are blistered. My big fuzzy slippers are going to get worn out now because they feel AWESOME on my feet and I wear them a lot. SIDE EFFECT #7: BLISTERED HANDS. I am not quite sure about this one but it is annoying that is for sure. I don't even think this was on the list of side effects that I saw. It just happened. My tops of my hands turned red all across my knuckles and fingers after about the first few days and since about two days ago, the blisters went away and now I am left with shedding the dead skin from the blistering. That is so gross. I am shedding like a lizzard. Today I was talking to God and said, "You are healing my dry skin from the past aren't you?" I was thinking that He is going to shed all that damaged skin on my hands and they would end up pretty and young looking again. Time will tell. In the meantime, if you shake my hand or hug me, we may just get stuck together like velcro cause I am sticky. Sorry, but the hand lotion is just not helping. Now I know how my bearded dragon feels. I also know I am not going to be putting pantyhose on any time soon. SIDE EFFECT #8: MOUTH SORES. This is one of the more common or at least more talked about side effects that I have had. If you have ever burnt your tongue on hot food or coffee, that is how my mouth feels all the time. I can't eat ANY spices. It is so bad that Ranch Dressing even hurts it. I eat mashed potatoes, shakes, chicken and Arby's Roast Beef with only the melted cheddar on it. NO SAUCE. Breakfast does well too. This is getting better but still present as of today. I don't know if it happens again after chemo next Tuesday. I certainly am hoping that most of my symptoms are not repeating ones. SIDE EFFECT #9: CRACKING, CHAFFED SKIN. This happened on my thighs and mid-section, my sides and my back. They are dark red stripes all over these areas as well as the backs of my ankles. Yuck. The ones on my lower extremities are painful and swell. They also bust open. SIDE EFFECT #10: BALDNESS. Another common effect depending on the Chemo meds used. I look like DOPEY on drugs now! I made every person in my house pull out some hair. It was a requirement for living with me. Just kidding. I would not MAKE them but they all did it. The poor 11-year-old said, "Okay, that was totally gross and I don't ever wanna do that again!" I said, "But now you can say you did it!" SIDE EFFECT #11: BONE PAIN OR ACHES. This is another hard side effect and one of the most debilitating ones. The pain is immense and lots of medicine is needed to control it. SIDE EFFECT #12: NOSE BLEEDS OR BLOOD IN SINUSES. Yes,well my nose drove me nuts for 2 weeks. It was dried blood constantly in the sinuses. Not a pleasant ordeal either. SIDE EFFECT #13: LOW GRADE FEVER. My temp was around 99.9. It was enough to add to the discomfort. I am supposed to call the doctor at 100.4. It did not get that high fortunately. SIDE EFFECT #14: SHORTNESS OF BREATH. Man, I get flat worn out. I feel like I should call a CAB to go from the bedroom to the kitchen sometimes. SIDE EFFECT #15: FATIGUE. I can go and go for about 4 hours and then I just need to lay down and rest. SIDE EFFECT #16: SWELLING, WATER RETENTION. I blow up like a water balloon. The doctor gave me some Feurosimide to help control it. I have to do a low-sodium intake which rubs me the wrong way. SIDE EFFECT #17: DIARRHEA. That is all I will say. SIDE EFFECT #18: FORGETFULNESS AND INABILITY TO CONCENTRATE. Yes, I have something to blame it on now. HA! Jesus loves me though. I sometimes forget why I was going in another room. I am constantly losing my phone. It makes me want to go buy a RETRO-Style, Corded phone. SIDE EFFECT #19: NUMBNESS & TINGLING IN EXTREMITIES. Just a minor inconvenience with no major pain along with it. SIDE EFFECT #20: LOWERED SEX DRIVE. Hey, that is listed in the side effects. I would not know WHY someone who has all of the previous, 19 side effects would have this one too. WHO WOULD FIGURE? Hmmm. SIDE EFFECT #21: APPETITE AND TASTE. There is a metallic taste along with the fact that my mouth hurts too bad to eat sometimes. SIDE EFFECT #22: BLOTCHY FINGERNAILS, BRITTLENESS. The nailbeds are changing colors now and my nails break off very easily. SIDE EFFECT #23: SORE THROAT. This came when the mouth sores came and I decided that I probably just had sores in my throat too.

I think that about covers it. Now I can go and eat my Chicken and Mashed Potatoes. YUM! YUM!

CHEMO TREATMENTS EXPOSED

2009-03-13T08:32:00.007-04:00

I decided to write today about the comical episode of my first chemotherapy treatment. I have been given a great ability to make any situation amusing.

The first day that I received the treatment everything was great except for the over-stimulating adrenaline that came with the knowledge that they were going to fill my body with some drugs that kill everything in their pathway. Oh, that along with the nurse that came out all dressed in blue from her head to her toe, just to MIX UP my chemo.....WOW. I was thinking, besides looking like something out of Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, that is the stuff you are mixing to go inside ME! What a mind-pleasing thought to ponder.

After about 1 hour of the slow-dripping, I felt a slightly damp place on my arm. Water, I thought? Ha! Not hardly. My needle was bent in my arm, probably from my clumsy attempts at going to the ladies room, and the chemo was actually dripping down the side of my elbow. That was not good. Then it started to burn and I voiced my agony to the nurses and everyone else in the room at the time. "Hey!!! This is BURNING!" My husband is sitting quietly going, "Honey, are you sure it is burning? It's still dripping, everything is fine just relax". That was probably one of the not-so-smartest things he has ever said to me since we have been together. He GOT THE LOOK. :-( You know, the look. I got louder. "NURSE...Hey.....Nurse!" She had stepped out and nobody was beeping. Finally, someone heard me. AHHHH. I told her, "Please, this is not feeling right and it is burning and look here, there is something wet on my arm and the side of my elbow and my pants." She was surprised, "Oh, let's take a look honey." Quick Note: I do love my nurses at the Infusion Treatment Center where I go. Anyway, after pulling off the tape they found a bent needle, removed it all and had to re-enter the IV into my wrist for the remainder of the treatment. My hubby left the treatment center for a while, for his benefit of course. He could not take the, "I told YOU SO's". I was comfortable from that point on and yes, I ventured to the bathroom 2 more times after that and was EXTREMELY careful.

We have to share a television at the center so, once the nice gentleman that was there before me left, he ever-so-kindly handed me the remote to the television. I was ecstatic! I immediately flipped the channel to the Food Network for some cooking tips.

There was another nice older farmer in there who kept telling me, "I can't hear you, my hearing aids are not working so great!" Then he told the story of how he always puts on his sweatshirts over his head and knocks out his hearing aids in the process. He said that he never notices it until later in the day when he is talking and then he realizes they are missing. I got the biggest chuckle out of that one and I thought I should share it with my followers.

Now, I am going to leave you temporarily to Chat online with some peeps. I will be coming back in a bit to write about all of the side effects that I personally have had to deal with since this lovely chemo moment.

The Rock

2009-03-08T14:59:00.003-04:00

This was a dream that I had on December 25, 2008. Remember while you read that I was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer in November, 2008.

I am in an Apratment building with many floors. Everything seems to be fine until I hear chaos in the hallway outside of my apartment.. The people are screaming and saying there is a tornado coming. I look out into the field beyond the apartments and I see the funnel cloud reaching all the way down to the ground. It is massive. I have no other family with me. I am alone with a dog. I called the dog Triton but the dog would not get up from his nap. He was sleeping. I realized his name was Berkley, not Triton. I began running towards the door of the apartment. I have to get down to a lower level because the tornado is coming straight for my place. I called the dog again. The dog would not come so I left him. I managed to get to the bottom level of the apartment building and frantically I looked for shelter. Out front there is a huge Rock. There is a small hole between the Rock and the wall of the building. I squeezed in. It was just big enough for me. I faced the rock and grasped onto it with all my strength.After it was all over, 30,000 people had lost their lives in that storm and I was safe. Standing there, hanging on to the Rock. The Rock had saved my life.

As a believer in Jesus Christ, this dream was so obvious to me. As long as I hang onto the Rock, Jesus Christ, I will be safe. He is my strength, by protector, my healer, my comforter, my Savior. Thank you for giving me this revelation.

Unexpected Chemotherapy

2009-03-04T21:59:00.006-05:00

Well, lets see...I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly intravenous injection of the bone strengthening med, Zometa and ended up with a little extra surprise before leaving. Apparently my test results had come back from the Mayo Clinic and they revealed that the tumor was HER2 Negative which meant that I would definately have to start the more aggressive line of treatment to include chemotherapy. I will be having this done one time every three weeks until the good doctor decides that it has served its purpose. So, yesterday I had my first chemo treatment at 3pm. I also had my Zometa IV and my blood drawn to test and make sure the old Kidneys are functioning well. Then after a very long night of getting up and down to go potty, I had to venture out this morning at 10:30 to the hospital and have my weekly shot that will be building up the white blood cells in my tortured body. This will hopefully keep up my immune system so that I don't end up going into the hospital under quarantine like I did ten years ago.

The treatments now will be Zometa and Chemo (two different types) every three weeks. A CBC blood test one time a week and a shot to boost the white blood counts the day after chemo every three weeks. Needless to say, I may not be doing as much blogging and emailing and calling as I normally do. Just a heads up for ya ;-)

I will be looking for a beautiful wig to replace the hair that will be falling out. That explains why I posted the photo of me at the top of this post. I want everyone to see the before and after photos, Hahahaha. That way you will be able to really appreciate the stunning wigs that are to follow in the near future. I plan on letting the boys pull out my hair like I did Chelcie and her little friends ten years ago. They seemed to really enjoy that hair pulling party. LOL.

The pain medicine is really working now, so it is off to LALA LAND. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Good Night my faithful followers. I love you all. This blogger is blogged out for tonight.

You Are Not Afraid?

2009-02-25T16:07:00.010-05:00

People ask me all the time...Aren't you afraid? You seem so strong. You are not afraid of this death sentence you have been given? They say, "I don't know how you do it".

I have to tell the truth about what I have felt this time and the last time I had cancer. The first time, I was just a baby Christian. I had been released from an abusive situation only a couple of months before the lump was found. I felt that the Lord told me that He knew I could handle this bout with cancer, but He knew that I could not handle cancer and an abusive relationship at the same time. So, I was freed from that part of my life in order to deal with new situations and experience a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit told me in a non-audible voice, before I even went to the doctor for my lumpectomy test results, that I had breast cancer. When I went to the doctor, I already knew the results of the test and as soon as the doctor walked in the room I asked him what was the next step. He didn't question that I knew or ask how I knew already. He just answered by advising me to do some research and decide on an oncologist that I would like to see. I prayed about everything. What doctor, what surgeon, what hospital and what friends and relatives would be involved during this time. I ended up with a wonderful doctor, surgeon and hospital as well as a wonderful team of radiologists and other professionals caring for me during radiation therapy. I had a loving, caring Christian sister that stood by me the entire time. She would come to chemo with me and stay with me for days afterwards and help with my two kids. She went to all of my doctor's appointments with me and took notes. She was my first husbands' sister and she was a blessing to me. I had surgery to determine the location and types of tumors, I had adriamyacin chemotherapy treatments and 6 weeks of radiation therapy to the area. I was also on hormone therapy for 5 years after all of that. I had total peace the entire time and spent a lot of time LAUGHING and joking with people about being bald and anything else that would come up. All I remember from that time is JOY AND PEACE. The Holy Spirit told me that I would have to go through this time but He would be there with me supporting me. He told me that I would not die from that battle and that I would be a great testimony for Him. He was using me for His Glory and I was very greatful for that opportunity. I still am.

Almost ten years have passed. I have had regular visits to my oncologist over the years and I do not shy away from doctors. If I have a problem, I go see a doctor. I do not want to take any chances on that cancer disease coming back at me from any direction. I have had regular bloodwork done and all the mammograms done. Lots of xrays have been done. I did everything possible to catch this as early as possible if it were to return. It didn't work. I was totally taken by surprise on this one. Honestly, I FREAKED OUT. At first, when my doctor told me it was Stage IV, Terminal Metastatic Breast Cancer, I cried out loud at work. I was devastated. I could not believe that this was happening AGAIN and at a higher stage than before. I did not think I could do this again. I remembered the first time and then, all the pain and sickness and problems and weakness came back on me. I talked with my husband about these fears. We cried, prayed, fasted, pleaded and repented. After about a week or two of wondering why and really digging in to the Lord again, He lifted us both up out of the pit of darkness and death. We believe that it is by His Stripes I am Healed. I get to experience another life-changing relationship and closeness with my Lord and Savior. I don't know when I will be healed this time. I have not had him speak healing to me as of yet. He has given me a peace again and a joy again. I do know that. I trust him completely. The enemy still tries to sneak in and say, "TERMINAL" every now and then. I have had more than one friend tell me when he whispers, "TERMINAL" just say out loud, "ETERNAL". He knows what my needs are and what the needs of my family are. He knows that I have a 7-year-old son, an 11-year-old son, a 16-year-old step-daughter, an 18-year-old daughter and a wondeful husband in our home who all look to me for wisdom, support, love and encouragement along with my 19-year-old stepson, my 21-year-old stepdaughter and a beautiful 1-year-old grandaughter who have grown up and moved on with their lives. He also know that I am a woman of great faith and I am not afraid to show that faith. I love to share my joy with people who need it. I will continue to share my joy until I breathe my last breath or until He comes back, whichever comes first.

ALTERNATIVE MEDICINES?

2009-02-24T18:47:00.004-05:00

I had a friend tell me about this herbal tea called Essiac Herbal Supplement Extract formula. It seems that she has heard from friends and friends of friends that this "tea" may be useful in the fight against some cancerous cells. Some people had had a reversal in the Stage of cancer after taking this for 6 months.

I figured that God made everything and everything in this tea is natural. I decided that it certainly would not hurt me to give it a try. I ordered it right away from http://www.myvitanet.com/ . It is not as expensive as my hormone therapy pills. It tastes disgusting and I do have to plug my nose and chase it with basically anything within reach. It is the worst tasting medicine that I have ever had in my entire 44 years of life. My husband and I have lovingly named it "SWAMP WATER". It does kinda remind me of something Shrek and Fiona would like.

Here is the description given on the vitamin website: Essiac Herbal Remedy is an organic, non-toxic drug free herbal remedy that is an effective blood, liver and lymph cleanser, helps break down nodular masses, and purifies the blood, relieves pain, and increases antibodies. Discovered among the Ojibway indians in 1922, Essiac tea is made with herbs. The primary herbs in the Essiac formula are Sheep Sorrel, Burdock Root, Slippery Elm Bark and Rhubarb Root. Four other herbs, kelp, red clover, blessed thistle and watercress, are added in small amounts. Essiac Herbal Tea/Tisane.The herbs are grown without the use of herbicides or pesticides.Suggested Use:Take 2-4 tsp (10-20 ml) twice daily.Caution: not to be taken during pregnancy, by nursing mothers or children under 10 years of age.Keep out of the reach of children.Essiac Herbal Extract, from Rene M. Caisse Ingredients: burdock root extract (Arctium lappa), sheep sorrel leaves extract (Rumex acetosella), slippery elm bark extract (Ulmus fulva), indian rhubarb root extract (Rheum officinale), purified water, alcohol and citric acid.Essiac Herbal Remedy is an organic, non-toxic drug free herbal remedy that is an effective blood, liver and lymph cleanser, helps break down nodular masses, and purifies the blood, relieves pain, and increases antibodies. Discovered among the Ojibway indians in 1922, Essiac tea is made with herbs. The primary herbs in the Essiac formula are Sheep Sorrel, Burdock Root, Slippery Elm Bark and Rhubarb Root. Four other herbs, kelp, red clover, blessed thistle and watercress, are added in small amounts. Essiac Herbal Tea/Tisane.The herbs are grown without the use of herbicides or pesticides.Suggested Use:Take 2-4 tsp (10-20 ml) twice daily.Caution: not to be taken during pregnancy, by nursing mothers or children under 10 years of age.Keep out of the reach of children.Essiac Herbal Extract, from Rene M. Caisse Ingredients: burdock root extract (Arctium lappa), sheep sorrel leaves extract (Rumex acetosella), slippery elm bark extract (Ulmus fulva), indian rhubarb root extract (Rheum officinale), purified water, alcohol and citric acid.

I have seriously thought of ordering a bottle for my parents to take just to relieve pain and increase antibodies. I particularly like that there is BLESSED THISTLE added to the mix. That can't be bad for you.

I began taking this on Saturday night, February 21st, 2009 after it arrived at my house in the early afternoon. I will update the Blogspot as to any changes that become evident since taking this unusual product.

Prayer and Fasting

2009-02-23T12:03:00.005-05:00

My husband and I believe in Prayer and Fasting. We just finished a 40 day fast for healing. The last day was Friday, February 13th at 12:01 am. When we started the fast it was a corporate fast called by Jentezen Franklin and the church he pastors in Gainseville, Georgia, Free Chapel. They do a 21 day fast every January and this is the second one we have done with them. I believe they said there were 100,000 people that had said they were joining the fasting movement this year. Last year as a direct result of the fast, God released me from the bondage of a 27-year habit. I smoked for 27 years and have tried numerous ways to quit with no success or only short-lived success. On the second day of the fast, I found myself getting mad and upset by everything. Satan was really working overtime on my emotions and dependency to nicotine. I remember getting in my car, angry at the world for no apparent reason, starting it up and saying, "I GIVE UP!!!!! I CAN'T DO THIS!" "I AM GOING TO GET A PACK AND SMOKE 'EM ALL!!!!". I backed out of the driveway, put the car in "D". Pushed the gas, kinda hard ;) and I guess the Holy Spirit finally got my attention because when I reached the stop sign at the end of my street I started speaking out loud and this is what I said, "NO... I AM NOT GIVING UP! THIS IS NOT FOR ME! I AM DOING THIS FOR JESUS CHRIST, NOT DARA COSTILOE. I WILL NOT BREAK MY COVENANT WITH THE LORD. GET BEHIND ME SATAN! YOU ARE NOT WORTH IT TO ME. I WILL KEEP THIS FAST FOR GOD AND WHEN THE 21 DAYS ARE OVER, IF I STILL FEEL THE DESIRE TO SMOKE, THEN AND ONLY THEN WILL I DO IT. NOT DURING MY FAST. I REFUSE." I was instantly released from every desire, addiction to nicotine, years of dependency, shaking, anger and all of the effects people undergo when trying to break a bad habit. I have never again felt any urge to smoke. It has been over a year now. I feel fantastic and cannot stand the smell of cigarettes anymore. I know that fasting works and God honors your commitment to him through fasting and prayer. It is the only answer I have for being released from the addiction to nicotine. The GLORY TRULY GOES TO GOD. I do recommend it for ANY HABIT that you think is impossible. Refrain from it for 21 days for God and only for God and I truly believe He will release you from the bondage. Seek Him and He will answer you.

I will be updating the blog from time to time about results from our 40 day fasting. I can tell you that we specifically fasted for HEALING. Healing for my body, Healing for our finances, Healing for our Nation, Healing for our family, Healing for our marriages and family unity, Healing for my husbands' body, Healing for my Parents, Healing for the Church as a whole. The whole fast was about Healing.

Before the fast was over, we called our mortgage company and they said that they are in the process of refinancing our loan and they informed us that we don't have to pay a house payment until April. Our payments dropped $400 per month and we don't have to pay until April. That is over $1600 savings just from not paying the mortgage for two months.

We filed our taxes and found that we were getting back more than ever before and we even borrowed against our 401K for medical reasons. Then to top it off, we got our bank deposit on February 13th. Our first day off the 40 day fast. Wow. That is all God.

That is just the beginning. There is much more to come. TO GOD BE THE GLORY :-)

What? Cancer AGAIN????

2009-02-20T21:30:00.012-05:00

Ten years have passed since I had my first bout with the big "C". It started in May of 2008 when I began to have a pain in my chest. I thought it was just stress from my daughter graduating high school and the hurry, hurry and how-tos of getting a party together in Georgia from my home in Ohio. Attending her graduation on a Friday in Smiths, Alabama and having her a graduation party at my parents' home in Manchester, Georgia the next afternoon. A twelve hour drive down and back home again in a four-day time span. Craziness and enough to give anyone chest pains, right? That is what I thought.

The first thing I did when I got back to Ohio from that wild and crazy trip to the south was call my Oncologist to set up an appointment. I went in, had bloodwork done, had a mammogram. Everything came up clean. The next step was to go to my family doctor to find out what was causing this severe pain in my chest. The doctor diagnosed me with costochondritis or inflammation of the chest wall. There were no lumps and all the other tests were clear. After a full round of anti-inflammatories, the pain subsided....for a little while. Then it came on again in about mid-July. The good doctor had chest x-rays, an EKG and more blood drawn. NOTHING. Another round of Naproxen. It subsided again....for a little while. Then it happened. Was that a tiny little knot I felt in my sternum? Oh no. It is a tiny knot. That tiny little knot is also protruding just a bit or is that just my imagination? I better ask my husband, Joe. He will know if it is sticking out or if my mind is playing tricks on me. Joe could see it. It was a Friday evening. He told me I had to go to the doctor on call Saturday morning and that I could not put it off. He could feel the knot and see the swelling. It was like it just came up overnight. The chest pain was back and this time it brought a friend. Mr. Lump. Frankly, Mr. Lump scared me. I never did like him. All the experience I had ever known with Mr. Lump was negative. The doctor on call that morning, agreed that the symptoms were all pointing to the original diagnosis of costochondritis. This time though, there was the lump. Because of my past history with Breast Cancer in 1999, the doctor wanted to be on the safe side and requested that I have a bone scan to rule out the possibility of a relapse. He set that up for me on October 31st. That bone scan showed some signs positive for cancer. I had to have further chest x-rays done on November 3rd, 2009. I met with my family doctor on November 6th and he confirmed that there was more than likely a relapse of the breast cancer from 1999. I made an appointment with the oncologist again on November 11, 2008. She sent me for a CAT SCAN the next day. This scan showed cancer in my spine at T-8 and T-11 and the upper right sternum and also an active node in my left armpit. The one in the armpit, I did not even feel at that time. The doctor sent me for a PET SCAN on November 21st to see if there had been any progression into any organs. Those were negative, Praise God! With the tests results that I had this far, the doctor told me that I had Stage IV, Terminal Metastatic Breast Cancer that had spread to my spine. She said there was no treatment for the spine at this time and she began to treat the breast cancer with hormone therapy. She requested a brain scan on November 28th and said that if that scan came back positive I would have approximately one year to live. If that scan was negative, I would have approximately 5 to 10 years to live. The brain scan came back negative, Praise God yet again!